Whilst running rope events, we will inevitably come across dangerous people wanting to access our spaces. Whether in person or online, we need to set clear rules on conduct, and at the same time communicate openly your willingness to ban such people from your event.
You’d think it would be that straight forward. But, sadly, time and time again banning policies are either not enforced when complaints are made, or are sometimes non-existent. In my experience, I’ve seen event hosts struggle with this, and then resort to a “well, if they behave at our event, then that’s all we need to worry about” approach. This is counterproductive for various reasons:
- Your event is only as good as the rules you enforce. I say this often, because it is so important. If you do not have a banning rule that people can see when they look up your event, a process by means abusive people can no longer access your space, you are signalling your lack of willingness to ban. And consequently, you are not providing a sufficient duty of care to your attendees.
- We need to operate with the understanding that abusive people will want to access our spaces, probably have already, and will manipulate hosts to look safe and as legitimate players. They will parrot consent jargon and keep just enough people happy to then target victims and be believed in their denials of abuse. That is how they work. Just because they play safe in front of you, it doesn’t mean they are that person all the time.
- A “zero tolerance” approach to abuse in our events must be taken. If someone attends your event and subsequently you find out they have a history of abuse, then allowing them to continue attending is signalling to them that you believe their story and de facto are disbelieve the possible victim. It is not your job to take sides in disputes, tempting though that may be in the swirly world of scene politics. But if you have heard someone has a ban on them or allegations of repeated offences, then you need a policy to decide what you are going to do beforehand. Your banning policy keeps you covered.
- We don’t run events to be popular. You will ruffle feathers by issuing bans. It comes with the territory. If people don’t listen to a rule, can you imagine how consent looks to them? It’s a blurred line, a challenge, an opportunity to assert their control. You need to maintain control of your event.
- By banning, you create a record of abusers that can be informative to other events organisers. Not all event organisers get along, but when you hear of an abuser, it’s gold dust to keeping them out of your event, and keeping abusers out of other events. Abusers don’t stop abusing. They change locations and try new tactics.
- Most survivors of abuse do not speak openly of their experience, for various reasons I won’t go into in this post. So, by the time you do hear someone has been inappropriate, rule breaking or abusive, chances are there are several other survivors before them.
Event organizers, I strongly advise you review your banning policy and rules regularly. Attendees, I strongly recommend going to events that have a zero tolerance approach, but still not trust someone because they are there – they may not have been caught yet.
Dea Nexa
This is my opinion and is not intended as a critique of an particular person or organisation.