This year, as part of my battle with Long Covid, my hand function has deteriorated. COVID19 initially attacked my heart and central nervous system and I am left moderately to severely disabled. So for a few years, I have not been able to do basic things and the things I love as much as I used to, and some things are impossible now.
I have lost my independence. I have become a slowed-down, recluse version of my former self for the last four and a half years. I have found ways to keep contributing and connecting with the outside world, through my business, art, writing and classes. Thank you to everyone that has come to my classes, bought my books, or liked and commented on my free online content. It means a lot 💖
This year, however, things have gotten a lot worse. Amongst other challenges, my hands hurt a lot, quite randomly sometimes. I occasionally lose grip. It’s getting worse as each month passes. All the tests and scans say my hands structure is very healthy. It’s a neurological thing, possible fibromyalgia symptoms related to the new phase of my long COVID journey. Amongst other serious ongoing problems.
Consequently, tying has become very difficult, to the point that I’m asking myself just how safe I am throughout the tying process. I have only been tying others in partial suspension ties at best this year. I have to balance between my joy of tying the people I love and not wanting to experience the pain of tying them. I’m not injuring myself but I am suffering.
You can imagine how much this breaks my heart.
Self tying is the safest option for me, rope wise. I need to spend a lot of energy explaining my needs to other people and mitigate that around theirs. Negotiations are longer than most, my personal risk profile extensive. So, self tying is easier, albeit still very restricted.
I have two more classes to run this year, then I’ll take a break and focus on playing with rope when able, rather than using those healthier times to teach. Keep it fun, y’know?!!
As I work with my healthcare professionals, I hope to be able to use my hands more fully in the not too distant future. My electric wheelchair arrives soon (since my manual one and my rollator hurt to use) which will get me outside and mobile and perhaps make the pain and fatigue more manageable.
I have hope. My faith is my foundation. I have been able to write and publish two new books this year: When She Leads and Living Rope which in very proud of. I’ll continue to try to create art. I’ll continue to post on here. I may be disabled but I’m not disappearing!
Are you vaccinated yet? You don’t want to be in my shoes.
Dea Nexa